Machine Girl

This review is going to be short and quick, I want to get to the point fast. If you are in need of medical care, and you stumble upon a mechanic, it is not OK to accept his or her services, even if he does say, “I am the son of a doctor.” As a son of a doctor, I can tell you, this status means no medical skills whatsoever, except maybe a dislike of insurance companies, but that’s not a practical skill. Trust me, you will end up like Machine Girl with an automatic weapon for a forearm and then try going back to school, just try.

Do Not Trust These People with Your Health Care!!!

Do Not Trust These People with Your Health Care!!!

Machine Girl is the tragic story of a woman, Ami, who loses everything, her little brother, her friends, her arm, and her sanity. Her brother, Yu somehow fell in with the wrong crowd, a group of teens with connections to the Yakuza, Japanese organized crime. Anyway, he owed them money (for what? Baseball cards?) and after a very lame fight scene, fell to his death. Through the rest of the movie, Ami flails around her hometown, looking for the teenage gang who committed such a vile act. Instead of consulting the police, she morphs into a one-person A-Team, fighting her way to justice.

And then at one point Ami loses her arm, and as they say, the rest is history. Instead of just attacking her Yakuza victims, she makes a point of firing several thousand rounds into their system, too. Which brings me back to my first point, when you’re sick, see a doctor, not a mechanic. Sure, you want revenge in your twenties, but by your forties or fifties, that’s going to get tired. And how are you supposed to get that thing through airport security? Would be a disaster. Of course, knowing you, Ami, you’d probably shoot your way onto the plane.

Finally, this is a message to Ami. You say to your brother in the beginning of the film, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.” Except plots, it turns out. What happened? Why did you change your mind? Didn’t you see everyone else in your life destroyed by violence, your parents, your sibling, your friends, and yet you still want more? Oh well, a machine gun arm is a little better than a tempura arm, which also makes an appearance in this feature film. I won’t spoil anything else, except to say, if you thought your last encounter with a Fembot was tough, wait until you meet Violet, who brings new meaning to the cone bra.

Now with more barrels.

Now with more machine girl action.

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